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You need to have clear goals, to survive!
Recent studies have proposed that the way a couple communicates is instrumental to enhancing or diminishing reciprocal respect. If one of them -and it tends to be the husband- uses passive aggressive communication most of the time, then the trust needed to keep the relationship alive is gone. Disappointment, frustration and anger produce an increasing emotional isolation, and the connection losses the feeling of love.
This progressive isolation is suffered as a frustration in the most basic human need: the need for love and connection that prompts us to marry. If our human needs are disregarded such as the need to propose your own perspectives while the other person supports them, (even when they might think differently), creates a widening gap between the two.
Good communication is thus crucial for relationships, because it feeds self-esteem and promotes appreciation and respect. Sometimes divorce is the last comment over a situation where satisfaction of the need for love and respect was denied in words and actions. Broken communication together with loss of reciprocal trust are the signals that a couple has separated emotionally, if not officially.
Living with a passive aggressive person can erode your self-esteem and make you doubt your own skills. Step by step, with each snide attack, you begin denying and forgetting your own capacity. Having the person chosen to be the one who loves and admires you be the person who criticizes you in public and laughs at your accomplishments as nothing can demolish your self-image. If now you ask yourself, “Where is my self-esteem hiding?” is probably because in each negative interaction, you lose track of who you are and of your own purposes, and get lost in the fog.
Along time, accepting his view of you as true strongly influences your life, and changes your perspective about yourself, your identity and life purpose. Having to choose from being emotionally dependent on him or enduring marital loneliness is not a healthy choice. You want both: to know that you are a capable individual and good company that agrees on your views!
What if now, you decide that you will dedicate your own energy to fulfill your life purpose, instead of supporting your PA husband who needs constant nurturing and reassurance from you to feel empowered and valued as a person? What if you decide to do repair work on your own self-esteem and ignore his negative comments about you?
Exactly at this moment, you need a support system that can provide you with clarity about your personal goals. At this very moment, you can probably imagine having a good coach suggesting how to think to extricate yourself from the confusion and identify the exact actions needed to heal yourself.
How are you going to learn the strategies to stop passive aggression and heal its damage on your self-esteem? Who will help you explore your needs, and recover a sense of “self-efficacy” to steer your life towards satisfactory relationships?
Let me help you start with new strategies for living with your passive aggressive husband. Ask for your free 30 minutes coaching session, and we’ll start sorting out your sense of control. I want to help you get your life back!
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